Where did this come from? Jesus I assume!

"forgiveness, is more then saying sorry..."

I look back at my life a little over a year and half ago, I would never have imagined I would be living in Haiti. Not only living here but doing Gods work here and especially doing Gods work with children (if you know me at all you know I used to not really care for kids one bit, I thought they were snotty nosed, annoying brats).Needless to say I was a mess in so many different areas of my life, a complete and total train wreck inside and out. I lived my life for me and fun! 

Its awesome how Jesus matures and changes people and their lives if we just ask and allow. I'll be the first to tell you though, it hasn't been an easy transformation...

There are times I have fought so hard with God and resisted him in situations, not allowing my light to shine. There have also been times I have completely fallen on my face. To be honest I had considered staying there and saying to God "I'm over trying to do it your way, because its so much easier to do it my way".  

But....By the power, grace and mercy of God I'm pulled right back up from the ground and placed on the soles of my feet. Deep in my heart I know I have no choice but to love and follow his will for my life... 

Do you know why I have no choice???

It's not because he doesn't give me the choice to do it my way, because that he definitely does. I mean clearly he gives us choice because if he didn't I would have never made the idiotic choices I have. Therefore I also wouldn't have the testimony I have today.

I have no choice but to get back up on my feet, dust the sin off and give it to Jesus. Because I have experienced that overwhelming, unconditional, everlasting love from him. The kind of love and happiness that no amount of money can give you, no person here on earth is even close to being capable of giving."It's that can't-eat, can't- sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over-the-fence world series kinda stuff"... Once you experience that you don't want to live without it. Its the best, most addicting drug out there. I know many recovering addicts that can vouch that one.  

Really it's not complicated like so many "religions" make it. It's plain and simple direct to the point Jesus loves us no matter what we have done, what we haven't done, where we have been, where we havent been and through all those choices that we've  made and want no one to know about because were ashamed... Yes, he still love us after all that and wants a relationship with us!!!

Seriously what an awesome God. I dont know of any other "gods" like that. That forgiving and loving. I mean we ask for forgiveness and it is given. There is no working it off or proving yourself to a leader and others. Its between you and God. 1 John verse 1:9 says "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."  also in Hebrews 8:12 "For I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more.” He washes us clean and keeps no record of wrongs. Thats so powerful and honestly it's hard to allow your self to believe. Whats even cooler is that our only part of this process is just asking and trustung God to help us understand, accept as well as forgiving. Jesus not only calls us to accept his forgiveness, but also to forgive your self as well as others. We are to forgive others to be forgiven. Mark 11:25 "And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you of your trespasses.”

This is so hard for so many of us but I promise it can be done with the help of Jesus Christ himself. I have witnessed it in the flesh. Watching God work on the heart of one of the most hard headed women I know (my momma). God broke down walls and barriers that she had built up in her heart, mind and life. By her allowing him to do this it lead to her forgiving people. People who had hurt her and hurt the ones she loves the most. She never thought she had it in her to take this step, nor did she really want to do it. Though once this happend to and for her it was like a breathe of fresh air in her life. She was no longer carrying hate in her heart for another person. As well as she was no longer carrying the weight of her own sins because Jesus took them from her. It is no longer wearing her down. This opened up so many doors in her walk with Jesus as well as relationships with others. It also gave her such great testimony of forgiveness. It's so cool how God uses everything we do for the greater glory of him...(my favorite line)... IF WE ALLOW HIM.

Just because we are forgiven and washed clean doesn't mean were not going to face consequences for our actions/sin but thats called life learning lessons. The biggest thing I struggle with and many others I know is really truly accepting the fact that someone so high and mighty aka God doesn't hate us and look down on us for these mistakes but like I said before he still loves us. When really in all actuality were the ones hating ourselves and its a poor excuse for us to hide from the truth by blaming God and saying theres no way God will except me because I did this or didn't do that ect. So many of let society judge and shape us. By society I mean our friends our families, teachers, co- workers, pastors and members of the church. We allow what they think as well as ourselves to keep us in a corner of shame, guilt and sin. When really thats just hurting Jesus and that is not the way he meant for us to be and feel. This is what I picture him saying to us when were living like this.......

dude, really??? My father sent me to die on the cross for you! So that you can be forgiven. Your'e going to keep allowing your self and others to make you feel this way?C'mon just give it up to me! I'm waiting on you. Im a pretty strong guy... I do hold the weight of the world...

I dont know how many times I have to remind my self of this and really just let it go and give it to him... Like I said it's not always easy and it's okay to wrestle around with God about things. Look at Jacob from the Bible. When he was afraid he reached out to God, he asked God for help, and he seeks to make some kind of restitution. Though he reached out, Jacobs humanly nature is still resisting. He is still holding back, relying largely upon himself. Just like so many of us do on a daily basis. Yet God uses the experience at the end of Genesis chapter 32 where Jacob wrestles with a man all night until daybreak. Jacob comes to say at the end "It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared"... It finally hits him and he is realizing whats really going on. God uses this struggle, this wrestling match to work on the heart of Jacob. Through out this you see Jacob coming to the point of real faith and trust in Jesus. 

That may be what it takes for us to come to this point. Is getting down and dirty with God. Seeking what it is he has for us even if it's struggle and fight. Even if you know nothing about God, Jesus & the Holy Spirit thats okay, because its never to late to accept the love of Jesus and ask him to teach you about him and grow you. He is patiently waiting on you and will continue to do so until the end of time. He my friends is a TRUE FRIEND the kind that no matter what he is there with you.

Deuteronomy 31:16 clearly states "
Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”
Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Trust in Jesus you wont regret this choice... I PROMISE. 
Also for those of you who are trusting in Jesus already, I strongly encourage to step back and examine your relationship with God and make sure your trusting him with all you have and forgiving the ones who have hurt you... 

Wow I had no intentions of writing a "sermon" when I sat down to blog... I'll just take that as this is totally meant for someone out there to read! 

I love you all have a wonderful week!!!