short & sweet

I have been thinking a lot lately how time just gets away so quick...

It seems like yesterday I was in Haiti loving my sweet kiddos as well as my now future husband... I miss it so very much, my heart aches to be away from them all. 

  In my family's home in Indiana it is always cold but the room that I recently moved into has been so hot, its the only room in the house that is this hot... There is an upside to this extreme heat though because last night I laid in bed and closed my eyes. The air felt thick and the heat was exhausting. This was just a small reminder everything I miss so very much.

  As I laid there I just pictured being in Haiti, remembering all the beauty of the country. All of the unique smells, the different sounds, all of the beautiful faces. It felt as if I was there for a few moments. It was refreshing, but made me realize something. "Stop looking forward to what is next and be happy with what you are doing right now, because when its gone your going to want it back..."

Bragging a little on my papa bear!!!

My daddy-e-oh came to Haiti, and what a blessing he was...

For those of you who don't know my dad... Let me tell you something...you're missing out haha
He is the most amazing man I have ever laid eyes on. He is a strong man of God that allows his light to shine where ever he goes. Also such a wonderful father, husband, friend, role model, and such a hard worker. He is such a calm man, there have been times that I don't know how he kept from smacking the heck out of me. ha And whats so special in all those times he had rarely even raised his voice. He knows how to handle me better then anyone in this world, he can speak volumes to my heart as well as my conscience with just a few words... You know what is even better he loves me unconditionally truly unconditionally. I could do the unimaginable and I know my dad would still love me just the same. He may turn me into the police or something but he would still love me and visit me in jail hahahaha  He supports my decisions and always directs me in the best way he knows! This man has saved me from so much through his prayers. I could be a totally different person today if it wan't for his and my moms faithful prayers for me. I am very blessed to have him as my daddy and friend.

He ladies and gentlemen is the definition of a true man, the kind every girl deserves as a father and deserves to find as a husband! My future hubby has a lot to live up to that is for sure....

For those of you who don't know his visit was a complete surprise and shock to me I had absolutely no idea he was coming. It was such a great feeling when I saw him. It was so surreal! I literally screamed (not meaning to) and a church service was going on, on the other side of the wall. oops!

He didn't come to just see me though. He came because God had placed it upon another mans heart that he was suppose to be present on their trip for the pastors conference as well as there trip to lay out plans for church planting in the Dominican.

He was able to share his testimony at the pastors conference and a man came to Pastor Maula and told him that he needed to hear that, it gave him hope. Also in the Dominican Pastor Maula and dad were able to lead 5 men to Christ... 5 men thats incredible. Praise God.

He has such a sweet aroma about him and that is the fragrance of Jesus Christ.

I realized something while he was here, well really as he was leaving...

My daddy took me to California, he left me there. He also came back just weeks before I left for China and left again. He was at the airport when I left for Haiti to say goodbyes. Something all of these different goodbyes have in common is we have cried each time. I hate leaving him or him leaving me. I hate being apart from him from my family in general....
But... this time was different when he left I didn't shed one single tear as he pulled away I held a strong giddy smile on my face excited thinking about the next time he gets to visit. I didn't cry not because I don't love him, nor is it because I'm not going to miss him. Its because I am truly happy where I am in my life. God has brought me here for a reason and he brought my dad here four years ago for the first time for a reason. God is always putting pieces of the puzzle together for us before it can even begin to make since to us. We can think one choice has nothing to really impact our futures if we do it or don't do it nor do we always think about others around you that it could be impacting there lives there future... But It does every choice we make is a piece to our puzzle. Four years ago when he came to this country he never thought it would be opening up Gods path for his daughter. He would have never pictured I would be living in Haiti for six months and be planning to stay years to come. Its so awesome how God can work. I love stepping back and just looking at the things he does daily that I sometimes don't even see until years later.

He is not only using me here, he is using my family here to glorify his kingdom in many ways.... God has plans for us here and I am so happy to see what happens.

Thats for a whole other blog though... so stay posted ;)

No Birthdays...What?

Something I have taken for grand

- Knowing my birthday.
 It never occurred to me, that it is a privilege to know my age and day of birth. I have always just thought of it as like its my right to know the day I was born. As well as knowing how many years I have been alive.  It never even crossed my mind that there are so many people in this world that dont know these things that I would just call "common".
It broke my heart one day when I asked some of my kids when their birthdays were and what their ages were. They looked at me with these blank looks and then made jokes saying 36, 45 and so forth...because they dont know their age or the day they were brought into this world... Thats so sad to me. I personally find that birthdays are an important day. Its the day that everyone you love and who loves you, shows you their appreciation for you. That may be through a card, a hug, kind words and for us lucky ones an awesome birthday party!
No not for these kids they dont know how many years they have been alive, they dont have anyone telling them they love and appreciate another year with them. Nothing just another ordinary day in there year. That they don't even know the difference from.
I know, I know some of you are thinking there are so many more important things then birthdays and that is the least of their worries. Your right but that doesn't make it any less important and it does make me stop and appreciate knowing I am 21 years old, that I was born on the first day of May in 1991. I love my birthday!!!
I am gonna make sure they have some type of birthday one way or another!!!

Where did this come from? Jesus I assume!

"forgiveness, is more then saying sorry..."

I look back at my life a little over a year and half ago, I would never have imagined I would be living in Haiti. Not only living here but doing Gods work here and especially doing Gods work with children (if you know me at all you know I used to not really care for kids one bit, I thought they were snotty nosed, annoying brats).Needless to say I was a mess in so many different areas of my life, a complete and total train wreck inside and out. I lived my life for me and fun! 

Its awesome how Jesus matures and changes people and their lives if we just ask and allow. I'll be the first to tell you though, it hasn't been an easy transformation...

There are times I have fought so hard with God and resisted him in situations, not allowing my light to shine. There have also been times I have completely fallen on my face. To be honest I had considered staying there and saying to God "I'm over trying to do it your way, because its so much easier to do it my way".  

But....By the power, grace and mercy of God I'm pulled right back up from the ground and placed on the soles of my feet. Deep in my heart I know I have no choice but to love and follow his will for my life... 

Do you know why I have no choice???

It's not because he doesn't give me the choice to do it my way, because that he definitely does. I mean clearly he gives us choice because if he didn't I would have never made the idiotic choices I have. Therefore I also wouldn't have the testimony I have today.

I have no choice but to get back up on my feet, dust the sin off and give it to Jesus. Because I have experienced that overwhelming, unconditional, everlasting love from him. The kind of love and happiness that no amount of money can give you, no person here on earth is even close to being capable of giving."It's that can't-eat, can't- sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over-the-fence world series kinda stuff"... Once you experience that you don't want to live without it. Its the best, most addicting drug out there. I know many recovering addicts that can vouch that one.  

Really it's not complicated like so many "religions" make it. It's plain and simple direct to the point Jesus loves us no matter what we have done, what we haven't done, where we have been, where we havent been and through all those choices that we've  made and want no one to know about because were ashamed... Yes, he still love us after all that and wants a relationship with us!!!

Seriously what an awesome God. I dont know of any other "gods" like that. That forgiving and loving. I mean we ask for forgiveness and it is given. There is no working it off or proving yourself to a leader and others. Its between you and God. 1 John verse 1:9 says "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."  also in Hebrews 8:12 "For I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more.” He washes us clean and keeps no record of wrongs. Thats so powerful and honestly it's hard to allow your self to believe. Whats even cooler is that our only part of this process is just asking and trustung God to help us understand, accept as well as forgiving. Jesus not only calls us to accept his forgiveness, but also to forgive your self as well as others. We are to forgive others to be forgiven. Mark 11:25 "And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you of your trespasses.”

This is so hard for so many of us but I promise it can be done with the help of Jesus Christ himself. I have witnessed it in the flesh. Watching God work on the heart of one of the most hard headed women I know (my momma). God broke down walls and barriers that she had built up in her heart, mind and life. By her allowing him to do this it lead to her forgiving people. People who had hurt her and hurt the ones she loves the most. She never thought she had it in her to take this step, nor did she really want to do it. Though once this happend to and for her it was like a breathe of fresh air in her life. She was no longer carrying hate in her heart for another person. As well as she was no longer carrying the weight of her own sins because Jesus took them from her. It is no longer wearing her down. This opened up so many doors in her walk with Jesus as well as relationships with others. It also gave her such great testimony of forgiveness. It's so cool how God uses everything we do for the greater glory of him...(my favorite line)... IF WE ALLOW HIM.

Just because we are forgiven and washed clean doesn't mean were not going to face consequences for our actions/sin but thats called life learning lessons. The biggest thing I struggle with and many others I know is really truly accepting the fact that someone so high and mighty aka God doesn't hate us and look down on us for these mistakes but like I said before he still loves us. When really in all actuality were the ones hating ourselves and its a poor excuse for us to hide from the truth by blaming God and saying theres no way God will except me because I did this or didn't do that ect. So many of let society judge and shape us. By society I mean our friends our families, teachers, co- workers, pastors and members of the church. We allow what they think as well as ourselves to keep us in a corner of shame, guilt and sin. When really thats just hurting Jesus and that is not the way he meant for us to be and feel. This is what I picture him saying to us when were living like this.......

dude, really??? My father sent me to die on the cross for you! So that you can be forgiven. Your'e going to keep allowing your self and others to make you feel this way?C'mon just give it up to me! I'm waiting on you. Im a pretty strong guy... I do hold the weight of the world...

I dont know how many times I have to remind my self of this and really just let it go and give it to him... Like I said it's not always easy and it's okay to wrestle around with God about things. Look at Jacob from the Bible. When he was afraid he reached out to God, he asked God for help, and he seeks to make some kind of restitution. Though he reached out, Jacobs humanly nature is still resisting. He is still holding back, relying largely upon himself. Just like so many of us do on a daily basis. Yet God uses the experience at the end of Genesis chapter 32 where Jacob wrestles with a man all night until daybreak. Jacob comes to say at the end "It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared"... It finally hits him and he is realizing whats really going on. God uses this struggle, this wrestling match to work on the heart of Jacob. Through out this you see Jacob coming to the point of real faith and trust in Jesus. 

That may be what it takes for us to come to this point. Is getting down and dirty with God. Seeking what it is he has for us even if it's struggle and fight. Even if you know nothing about God, Jesus & the Holy Spirit thats okay, because its never to late to accept the love of Jesus and ask him to teach you about him and grow you. He is patiently waiting on you and will continue to do so until the end of time. He my friends is a TRUE FRIEND the kind that no matter what he is there with you.

Deuteronomy 31:16 clearly states "
Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”
Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Trust in Jesus you wont regret this choice... I PROMISE. 
Also for those of you who are trusting in Jesus already, I strongly encourage to step back and examine your relationship with God and make sure your trusting him with all you have and forgiving the ones who have hurt you... 

Wow I had no intentions of writing a "sermon" when I sat down to blog... I'll just take that as this is totally meant for someone out there to read! 

I love you all have a wonderful week!!!  

Giving it up...

I didn't think I would wright for another two weeks or so, but I found myself at my computer journaling so I figured why not just blog. . . . .

We had church service this morning it starts for me at 9:30 due to they have Sunday school in the morning and being that I dont even understand the church service Pastor Maula doesn't require me to sit through 4hours of creole so I dont have to be at Sunday school. Luckily today I had someone sit by me that speaks a little english so he translated some of the service for me.


I'm going on being here for two weeks now. The days have not been all so easy lately. Like I have said before they go very slow but I am beginning to realize that its not because it is hot its is because my days aren't filled with many things. My mornings are very well occupied with waking the children, eating breakfast, doing my bible study and then exercise with the children at 10:15 - 10:55 and one day of the week for and hour or so teaching hygiene as well as sunday evening teaching children's church but after these things I feel like a sitting duck or better yet a facebook stalker. It is hard trying to find things to occupy my time while the children are in school. I get very antsy just hanging out and I feel as if I am being ineffective. So needless to say Jesus is really teaching me patience and that life doesn't always have to be go, go, go, do, do, do... This is a very hard lesson for me because when I am home if  I dont have something to do, I leave home and go find something to do. It is not that easy here though. I cant just leave and go walk around when I please. Its not safe for me to do that being an American well really just being that I am a white women, because I stand out more...Obviously.

I have gone through many mixed emotions since being here. Three things are certain though. I love this country, I love the children and the people and I KNOW God has brought me here for a reason but... yes there is a but, sometimes I just wanna lay on the floor like a young child flailing my arms kicking my legs and scream and cry out to God and demand him to speak to me on what he wants me to do and if he doesn't then I am gonna call it quits. Now do or would I really do that? No but sometimes I sure do feel like doing and saying that.... Honestly I was expecting my spiritual life to have even more zest and zeal to it when I got here but... It hasn't I have felt very disconnected from the Spirit. Which I know is a lie from the enemy but let me tell you he is a good lier. Even more so when your in a country that he has so much power and control over....

God had made a fighter though when it comes to battling the enemy and I will not let him win, I will not let him feed me lies any longer and I will not allow the saying to be to true "idle time is the devils time" because my challenge to myself this week is that with the idle time GOD is giving me to not look at it as "I'm so bored" or "I wish I had something to do" but to look at it like God is saying to me "Rachael here is this time to really dive into the word, to pray and seek out my heart for you and this country." I mean if I think about it I am really blessed to have that time. There are so many people I know back home that have such busy schedules and there just praying that God opens up a large time slot they can just dedicate to him. So today I am declaring before the Lord and you guys that I will really began to just open my heart, mind, ears and body up to God every time I have idle time. I will Really listen to what he has to teach me, how he wants to grow me and also what HE wants me to pray for. In time I truly think that when I un-concisely become content with that God will open doors, the doors for me to do more of his evangelistic work. The hands on, time consuming work that I love ever so much to do.

Gosh God is always trying to teach me something and grow my character in some way especially when I am in the mission field, probably because I have no other choice then to listen to him. I cant allow the worldly ways to take control because if I do its going to be a long miserable next few months

 I have been catching myself often thinking about how when I let God work in me and give it all to him everyday he works through me...

Just a little story of him doing just that.....

When I first got to China I was so excited to be there and excited for what I had planned on doing ( key words WHAT I HAD PLANNED on doing). That excitement soon turned into frustration because the work we went there to do with the college students as well as another ministry that must remain nameless to protect there work. I felt like my heart wasn't in it. I couldn't for the life of me understand this. I was so happy before to do be involved in these ministries  Why all of a sudden was it so hard for me, where did my passion go?
     I was having trouble making friends at the university ( which is so strange because I make friends anywhere I go ). I felt like my heart wasn't in the right place for the women's ministry. I was beginning to get angry with myself. After a few weeks of that I started getting angry with God. Finally one night while listening to a Francis Chan sermon God really spoke to my heart and showed me the road blocks. The first one, was in the college ministry. I wasn't depending on God to create friendships. I was depending on my self and taking credit for my outgoing personality. Instead of what I should have been doing was praising God for giving me that personality and gifts to make friends wherever I go. Also he showed me the second friday I was in China when we were visiting the mosque, what he called me there to do. I had just chosen to ignore it then, but he had already broken my heart for the elderly muslim people and the beggars on the side of the street. But because that wasn't what I planned on doing the prior three months and because thats not what my team was doing I thought I couldn't do that. I was wrong though because my leaders pushed to us to listen to what God was wanting us to do. He was just calling me differently. Finally the morning after I listend to that sermon during worship and praise I just cried out to God and gave all control to him and said "Jesus I am nothing without you, I cant do this alone I need your help, your guidance and your power. God please help me put in my heart your desires for me and for China"... Wow!!! He did just that he showed me that he had already spoken to my heart and he was just waiting for me to listen. When I finally did listen and prayed what he put in my heart about helping the elderly muslims as well as the beggers. I began praying that morning and asked him (more like begged him) to just send an elderly women into my life that I could just love on and speak life into. That same exact day he did just want I prayed. Later that afternoon in the most random spot that was not in the midst of the city where beggers usually were. There sat a women and a Muslim women at that. She had no food, worn out clothes, she was def and we did not speak the same language but I knew this was God putting her in front of me. So I sat down on the ground next to here wrapped my arms around her and she accepted that hug as if she had never had one . I began rubbing lotion on her dirt covered hands and massaged them for a while then I drew her a picture with some verses on it gave her a bracelet that I had made and randomly had in my bag. I pointed to the sky and then symboled praying hands and asked if I could pray over her. She accepted, so i began to pray. I prayed for sorrow you could see in her eyes the loss of hearing she was suffering from as well as her enteral life through that prayer I could really feel the presence of the Holy Spirit I knew this was God ordained. After the prayer she began tugging at her ears and had the biggest smile and started shaking my hands as if she was saying thank you and mumbling was mumbling Chinese and I could tell she was so happy and thankful. That right there spoke many words to my heart and soul. I knew this was what God brought me to China for. If God only used me to make a difference in her life I was okay with that. Although I wasn't allowing him stop there (as if I really have any control over him anyways)... I started going into parts of the city I knew these people would be as well as every friday I would be at the mosque. Janna and I made bracelets so I could give to these women also I would make a canister of tea and pack my backpack full and go spend time with these women through out the week. I was finally at peace there. God didn't stop with just that though he began opening up friendships in the collage ministry for me. Needless to say my last month or so in China was very, very busy. The girls in my house would always say your always gone! I would be up early and out late but thats what I liked and thats where God wanted me. I ended up going from hating China to loving it. All because I removed myself and all MY ways and let God take charge and he did just that.

I shared this story with you all because not only is it an awesome story of how God works. But because thats kind of where I am at right now... Waiting on God and allowing him to work on me so he can work through me. So please continue your prayers for me, but I am asking for a few specific prayers this time... Pray that I have patience in waiting, pray that I really use my time wisely and spend it with God that I get lost in his heart and his desires so that I can bring to Haiti what he truly brought me here to do. Thank you all so much for supporting me to be here through caring prayer and also thank you for taking the time to read and listen to what I have to say. You are really making a difference by praying for me and for these children God is using you right now in Haiti. Crazy and awesome to think that God uses us and makes differences through us when were thousands of miles apart. I bet you didnt wake up this morning thinking God was going to use you today to help change a heart and life in Haiti!!! Well surprise he is!!! I will be the first person to tell you it doesnt stop there God uses us everyday even when we dont realize it. He is always filled with surprises, my favorite saying is... "Unlock the mysteries of God, Jesus is the key". I love and thank you all God bless you!!!

Week 1 of Haiti.

Today marks my one week of being in Haiti, although to me it seems I have been here much longer. Sometimes the days seem so long. I would assume that is because the heat, but by no means am I complaining about that. I love the warm temperature and beautiful sun. I always seem so much more alive and ready to take on the day when its warm and sunny out. 

 

I am now beginning to get into somewhat of a routine. Every week Monday through Friday at 10:15-10:55 I do exercise with the kids in the school. I havent yet mentioned that where I live there is a school attached. The orphanage children as well as kids from the community and church attend this school. It is grades k-6. This is also where I will begin teaching about hygiene next week. I am shooting for teaching on Wednesdays mid week to give the actual teachers a little bit of a break. Just some of the topics we will be going over the first few weeks are listed below.

• Brushing your teeth (how you do it, why you need to do it and what happens if dont.)
• The importance of showering twice a day ( how, why & what )
• Washing your hands periodically and most importantly before you eat ( how, why & what )
• Cleanliness in your everyday living 
• The proper way to take care of cuts and scrapes ( How, why & what )
• The importance of drinking clean water ( why & what )

Also every Sunday evening I will be leading a children's church here in the orphanage while the adults from the community attend a bible study/ church that Pastor Maula leads. I am very excited to see how this goes. I have never taught before nor have I ever preached to children so this will be a learning and growing experience for me as well as the kids. I am sure your all wondering if I speak creole and if not how do I plan on getting these kids to listen and understand me... The answer to the question is no I do not speak creole (yet) and I will be having Pastor Maula's son translate for me on Sunday evenings and on Wednesday's Pastor Maula's nephew will be translating. 

So please be praying for me as I jump into these new adventures.

This past week has like I said been slow just trying to figure out every ones routine around me. Where I can be used and where I will be most effective. 

Monday through Friday I wake the kids up at 5:30am to start getting ready for school. I know me up at 5:30 crazy right? Honestly it is not bad, I think that is because I go to bed much earlier here then I do at home and really I havent fallen in a deep sleep since I have been here. I think that is just me getting used to all the noises at night. Trucks honking, people singing or playing music all through the night roosters crowing, goats moaning and dogs barking those are all the sounds of Haiti! I am sure when I leave to go back home I will miss those sounds.

Well I know this blog was not too interesting and somewhat short but I will wright again here in a couple of weeks. Hopefully then I will have more news to share and stories tell. 

Oh one funny story I have was my first night here all the girls slept in the room with me well the baby (woodlay) slept longer then all of us so I went to wake him and I carried him out of the room to find that poop from his diaper squirted out on to my arm!!! ahhh if you all know me I am not okay with those kind of things poop is where I draw the line lol I dont even wipe my own nephews butts but I played it cool and just handed him over =) haha

Haiti Preperation

                                     HaItI.... hAiTi.... HaItI.... 
Ahh my heart begins to beat quicker and feel so much love and joy every time I hear or say "Haiti!!!"

  Last week I had my first meeting with Gary Wright about going back to Haiti. It went awesome! Gary was such a great person to talk with, its so great and encouraging to hear of and see others have such a heart felt love for Gods people around the nations the way Gary does. He invited me to become "employed" by World Renewal which meaning all my support would go through their accounting system and they would organize that end as well as have a great spiritual support team standing behind me. I am very excited to becoming a part of World Renewal staff for this time period of my trip to Haiti. 

  I need to start preparing spiritually, financially and emotionally. Its so different getting prepared for this then it was preparing for China. I had worship, bible class, prayer and so many more things everyday in my stage of preparing for China and being home I dont have that. Its not just part of my everyday routine because I'm not in DTS everyday. Which it should be and that is what is so frustrating is that its so hard to get in this lifestyle on my own being back at home. I always tend to ask myself why though? why is it so hard? I mean why cant I take out two hours of my day to just spend silent to the world and with Jesus? what is so hard about that? I mean he died on the cross for me and I cant even take out 2 hours of my day everyday to dedicate to him? Its makes me so frustrated at myself. So this week I have started fresh its tuesday and I have been up early spending Jesus time now two days in the morning! I feel so much better and my day goes so much smoother when I put him first and spend time with him and in his word... Im crazy not to do it everyday!